Pedal to the Metal (Riders of the Apocalypse Book 4) Page 19

  “Butcher––”

  “No, Dallas, please. This is something I have to do alone.”

  The other three hesitated before slowly moving away.

  “Okay, but you know where we are if you need anything.”

  Butcher nodded. “What I need is to be alone with him one last time.”

  “She’s not okay,” Einstein whispered as they made their way back into the darkness.

  “No, kid, she’s not. She may never be okay again.”

  Looking at Dallas and Roper, Einstein swung his rifle around and heaved it over his shoulder. “Learn something from this,” he said. “When’s the last time you two have been alone? Really alone?”

  “Excuse me?”

  Einstein stood straighter. “We lost one of our family today, yet even with all of the death and courage, those two created life...a baby...hope. While you guys can’t create life, you sure as hell can appreciate the life in each other. You got something the rest of us can only dream of having.”

  Dallas reached for Roper’s hand. “Is he suggesting what I th––”

  “It’s called survival sex, Dallas. It’s the kind of sex that reaches into your soul to remind you that not only are you alive, you’re not alone.” He motioned with the rifle. “Behind those boulders is my sleeping bag. Go. It’s not a request.”

  Dallas frowned.

  “I mean it, Dallas. You both have been lucky enough to find love in this zombie hell...it’s high time you took a moment to celebrate that love. Don’t worry. I got both you and Butcher covered. Go.”

  Roper pulled Dallas toward the boulders. “Kid’s got a point. How long has it been?”

  “Too long.”

  “Exactly.”

  When they rounded the boulders, sure enough, there was his sleeping bag and a bunch of roses of varying color.

  “When did he have time to do this?”

  “He’s Einstein. Give him a second and he can bake a cake.”

  Roper turned and was in Dallas’s arms in a second. “Isn’t that the truth? You know…Luke’s death––”

  Dallas put her fingertips on Roper’s mouth. “No words, baby. I just want to feel you.”

  Pulling Roper’s shirt over her head, Dallas did the same. As they stood inches apart, their hands tenderly caressed each other’s upper chest, collarbone, neck and face, until Dallas’s hands lightly cupped Roper’s breasts.

  “Oh God...”

  “Shh. No words tonight, lover.” Lowering her mouth to Roper’s pert nipple, Dallas kissed all around it, feeling it tighten into a hard little knob yearning to be sucked. Dallas easily slid Roper’s pants off, her thin hips barely holding them up. Then Dallas stepped out of her own, kicking them to the side.

  Gently pulling Roper to the sleeping bag, Dallas sucked on her nipple, her tongue teasing it lightly as Roper arched her back for more. Taking her other nipple between her fingers, Dallas teased both puckered nubs lightly, feeling Roper’s excitement intensify.

  Dallas released Roper’s nipple with her left hand, licked her fingers and carefully caressed Roper’s warm, wet slit, all the while letting her tongue read her other upright nipple like Braille.

  “Jesus, Dal––”

  “Shh.”

  Her fingers slick with Roper’s juices, Dallas slowly entered her, feeling Roper open herself up to Dallas.

  Slowly, sensuously kissing down Roper’s taut stomach, Dallas laid her head on Roper’s mound and closed her eyes, her fingers moving in and out, gently, smoothly, expertly caressing all the places Dallas had come to know.

  “Baby––”

  “Shh.”

  Opening her eyes, Dallas lowered her mouth to Roper’s clit, surprised by its size. She swore she could feel it thrumming as she traced its outline with the very tip of her tongue.

  She loved Roper’s taste––the saltiness that lingered on her tongue for hours afterward like the taste of fine wine.

  Working her fingers in and out, she let her tongue caress every wet spot, every hot area, every bit of her slickness open to her.

  Dallas had loved many women in her life, but never had she wanted to please anyone as much as she wanted to please Roper.

  As Roper lifted her hips to meet Dallas’s rhythm, she covered her mouth with her forearm and moaned into it.

  Dallas smiled to herself as she slowly rose, keeping her fingers inside her lover’s wet warmth, and kissed her long and deep.

  When the kiss finally ended, Dallas locked eyes with Roper, her thumb now replacing her tongue as it stroked the engorged clit.

  Roper did not take her eyes off Dallas as the first wave of orgasm rolled through her body like the roll of an earthquake.

  Keeping her fingers moving, Dallas pulled a second wave from Roper, then a third. By the fourth, Roper could not bear it any longer and she pulled Dallas to her, clinging to her for her very life.

  When the throbbing subsided, Roper laid back, panting, her heart racing, her fingers lightly playing with Dallas’s hair.

  “I love you so much, baby,” Dallas whispered, climbing on top of her so her head lay in the crook of Roper’s neck.

  Roper shook her head, words lost between actions and emotions.

  “The kid was right. We need more of this.”

  “He’s...always right.”

  Dallas nodded, closing her eyes and feeling Roper’s hands travel up and down her body.

  “We’re never going to be the same, are we?”

  If Roper answered, Dallas didn’t hear it. She was asleep in a second.

  Opening her eyes, she could have sworn she saw Luke standing ten feet away, smiling down on them.

  “Roper, do you see––”

  “Uh-huh. I do.”

  Closing her eyes once more, Dallas counted to five. When she opened them he was gone.

  Gone, but never forgotten.

  Dallas

  2 Days Ago

  “Butcher’s gone.”

  Dallas stared at Einstein as if he had grown antlers. “What?”

  He held out a note. His hand was shaking. “Took Egypt with her and off they went. Just like that.”

  Dallas snatched the paper and read it out loud so Roper could hear as well.

  “I told you all long ago that I don’t do goodbyes. Letting Luke say his was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. The second is leaving you all.

  “I don’t expect you to understand, but please know, this decision wasn’t made lightly. I’m not out of my mind. I’m not crazy. I am keeping a promise to my husband.

  “Luke asked me to keep fighting. I have to honor his last request. I have to fight for him, for Egypt, for all of us. It’s something I have to do.

  “I have a baby girl who deserves a chance at a real life. She won’t get that on the run. We all know it but we’re too afraid to say it. You want to leave here for a world that doesn’t want us? There are too many unknowns out there. I can’t leave. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch the people I love die.

  “I just can’t.

  “I can fight. I can watch others I don’t know or love die, but not you all. Not anymore. I am bent right now, but not quite broken. Luke knew that fighting would keep me sane. Sane and busy.

  “So it is with a heavy heart that I write to tell you, my great loves, goodbye. I have a child I’m neglecting for a war I don’t know we can win, but is worth fighting. I am tired of running.

  “It is time I devoted what’s left of my life to fighting for a life for my daughter...to see to it that she has some chance of a normal life. Running isn’t that. Even running to paradise has its risks, and I can’t risk it. I can’t run. Luke asked me to fight. I’d rather fight. I can’t do that playing in your sandbox, Dallas. You and Roper both know it.

  “We are on different paths now…two mutually exclusive roads. I hope your road is a smooth one. I hope you all make it to paradise where you can live your days without fear.

  “Please don’t come after me. My mind speaks for
my heart now, and I am the wife of a soldier who has asked me with his dying breath to fight. I am soldier who has seen her fair share of death. I am going to be a soldier once more. This country needs us to fight for it, and that’s what I am going to do. I know it seems odd to take Egypt into a battle zone, but if I don’t fight, if I don’t at least try to make this country a safer place for her, she won’t make it anyway. I have to respect my husband’s dying wish…and that means staying here and fighting.

  “I wouldn’t trade the last year with you three for anything in the world. You kept me sane, you kept me alive, and being with you gave me Luke.

  “And he gave me Egypt.

  “The gifts of your love, support, and loyalty have kept me afloat on days I just wanted to give up. You have loved me, laughed with me, and given me a reason to live.

  “Now it’s my turn to give...and I choose to give my daughter a fighting chance. Watching one of you die would wreck me, and I can’t afford to be wrecked. I have a daughter who needs me to keep it together.

  “So this is me keeping it together.

  “I know you understand. I hope you can forgive me. Put Akiko in charge of the med unit. She has far better skills than I ever did.

  “I love the three of you more than you could possibly know, and I will continue loving you long after today.

  “Forever Yours,

  “Butcher

  “Once Known as Christina Buchanan”

  Dallas stared at the letter as teardrops fell on the paper. Roper gently took the letter from her and handed it to Einstein, who folded it up and put it in his pocket. The three of them stood in silence until Roper inhaled loudly as if breathing for all of them.

  “She’s doing the right thing,” she said softly.

  Dallas narrowed her eyes. “And what, exactly, is that?”

  “Fighting,” Einstein said.

  Two pairs of eyes stared at him.

  He shrugged. “My guess is she will head north, toward Canada, and fight near the border. She believes it’s safer there, but she is going to stay and fight because that’s what Luke asked her to do.”

  “God damn him,” Dallas retorted. “What was he thinking?”

  “He was thinking like a soldier of the United States Military, Dallas. In the end, he was who she fell in love with and it was important to her that she stay here and fight the good fight.”

  “There is no good fight, and going anywhere alone isn’t safer,” Dallas argued.

  Einstein pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “And staying with the group was? Luke is dead. Cass is dead. A lot of our people have died, Dallas. There may be safety in numbers, but there are all sorts of hazards that come with them. He knew that. She knows that.”

  “She’ll never make it.”

  “You don’t know that. She’s right about what we will get if we leave. She’s not interested in leaving. She is interested in fighting.”

  Dallas took four long strides before Roper could grab her arm. “Uh-uh. Not this time. You will respect her wishes.”

  Dallas tore her arm from Roper’s grasp. “Wishes made immediately after your lover dies in your arms shouldn’t be taken seriously. She’s distraught. She’s upset. Her spirit has been crushed. She’s family. We can’t just let her go.”

  Einstein surprised both of them by standing in front of Dallas. “It’s not your decision to make, Dallas. I’m sorry, but you’re going to let her go.”

  She pulled herself up to her nearly six feet. “Get out of my way, Einstein.”

  He put his glasses back on and shook his head. “No can do. She made her choice, and make no mistake about it, this was her choice to make. Respect it.”

  “Respect it? She’s grieving. She’s––”

  “Made up her mind…and Luke charged me with taking care of them. I’m doing that right now by stopping you. Don’t make me stop you, Dallas.”

  Dallas turned to Roper, who was nodding slightly. “You too? You think we should just let her go off half-cocked when she is clearly grieving and not in her right mind?”

  “She may be distraught, Dallas, but Luke’s turning didn’t come as a surprise. She’s had plenty of time to mull over the life she wanted in the event that he turned. This decision was probably made days ago. Einstein is right. We are going to respect her wishes.”

  “But...she’s alone...with an infant. She’ll be cut down before they can even––”

  “Give her more credit that that. She was alone when she saved me in that Burger King. Butcher is a survivor of the nth degree. Trust that she is doing right by her family.”

  Dallas sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging. “I guess I can’t force her to come back no matter how much I want to.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  Dallas pinched the bridge of her nose. “God, this hurts so much.”

  “I know it does, but you have to let her go.” Pulling Dallas to her, Roper hugged her tightly. “She’ll be fine. You must believe that.”

  “Then I guess I better go tell the others.”

  When Dallas was gone, Roper turned to Einstein and stared at him a long time. “Since when did you become a man?”

  He shrugged. “Since we have one less around now.”

  Roper’s Journal

  When Butcher left, I think she took a piece of me with her. I guess it’s true that you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

  She’s gone.

  And the void left by her is enormous.

  I always knew I loved her––even knew I’d give my life for her. But I had no idea of the depth of that love until Dallas read that letter.

  I wanted to weep.

  I wanted to cover my face and sob.

  I could do neither.

  If I had, Dallas would have acted, and for the first time in forever, she shouldn’t. To go after Butcher would tell her we did not respect the wishes she made for her life or her family, and she deserved better than that from us.

  So I sucked it up and stayed strong.

  Just as Butcher would have done for me.

  Still, my heart aches already––from the loss of Luke, to Butcher’s disappearing act, it’s taken a beating. It seems like she has always been with us. She’s a crafty one, that woman. I’m certain she’s heading for Canada. Maybe she’ll hook up with Canadians fighting at the border. I sure as hell hope so. I hate the idea of her and Egypt being alone.

  Then again, it’s Butcher we’re talking about.

  That woman has proven her resourcefulness time and time again. It would not surprise me to learn she and Egypt found safe harbor with our neighbors to the north. Whatever the case is, I understand why she left. I’m not sure I could stand to be around so many reminders of Dallas if she was taken from me. At least out on her own, there’s nothing to remind her of Luke.

  Dallas has been quiet and distant since Butcher left. Every now and then I catch her staring out at the horizon as if waiting to see Butcher riding on up.

  I hold no such illusions.

  When Luke died, her anchor to our life disintegrated in an instant, so she removed herself by saying she needed a better life for Egypt.

  A better life?

  This from the woman who actually left her baby at Angola so she could come find us?

  Butcher may be loving and caring, but her maternal instinct is on the fritz. This isn’t about Egypt at all. This is all about retribution for the death of her husband. I get that.

  I’ll always understand that.

  Once Dallas told everyone about the letter, Zoe waited for everyone to disperse before asking us if we thought Butcher was angry because she’d shot Luke.

  Dallas told her, “Someone had to, Z. Your timing was impeccable. You put him down before he could get to her. You saved her.”

  Zoe had just stared at her. “What if…what if, in the end, she didn’t want to be saved?”

  Dallas has a way of soothing dented spirits, but this time, Zoe remained troubled. It’s tough to do the
right thing and still feel bad for it. Zoe did the right thing, but that particular wound will probably never heal.

  Ever.

  Maybe none of us will ever get over this loss.

  I know I won’t.

  The one who has surprised me the most is Einstein. Suddenly, the boy is a strong-willed young man who has had his share of losses. There is a darkness to him now that, like some insidious cancer, has eaten away his innocence. He’s a war-torn, battle-scarred person now. He lost Peanut, a little girl like a sister to him. He lost Churchill, a guy he considered his best friend. And then his biggest loss was Cassie, a young woman he had feelings for––whom he never got the chance to love.

  Now Luke and Butcher.

  I love that boy as if he were my own. When I stop for one second and wonder what it would be like to lose him the way Butcher lost Luke, my heart breaks a little just at the thought.

  We’d all be dead without that boy.

  Boy.

  I need to adjust my verbiage. He is not a boy any longer. He has fully accepted his new role as the man in our family...to the point of insisting Dallas and I make love that night. How weird was that? It was like a rite of passage or something.

  But he had been right. We’d needed that connection...needed to remember why we were willing to risk it all.

  Why we had come home.

  We came home to start up another Angola––to give people here a chance and a place to start over.

  Now, we’ve come home for a different reason––to find a way off our homeland...to take our lives someplace else...someplace safer…someplace better.

  To roll the dice and risk it all.

  To be honest, that’s preferable to me than the day-to-day survival grind we’ve been on for over a year. We’re exhausted ninety percent of the time. We’ve been playing defense for so long, it will feel really good grab the wheel of this runaway vehicle and drive toward a zombie-free future.

  Really good.

  I, for one, am tired of always looking over my shoulder––whether it’s looking for zombies or watching our backs for marauders, I’m sick of it. It’s time we stopped playing a game we can’t possibly win and get the fuck out of here.